:* Dara Asmaranii *:

Can someone to love just because a piece of a dream? Impossible. However, my brother just puppets experience - at least it is admitted.

The girl he loved was Laura, his own cousin. Reasonable, right? In fact, to be lawful when my parents thought was to ask for her hand.

It all started with Jamal narrative. He says, she dreamed of Lala as her mother introduced her as his bride.

"We already know each other, ma'am," Jamal said in the dream shyly. The girl nodded with a shy smile too.

Jamal actually not too sure the girl is Lala. His face was faintly visible. However, Jamal felt the aura of the girl he knew enough. Remarkably, this is reinforced by our father. On the same night, he dreamed about Jamal who was sitting in the aisle seat with Lala! Is this a sign? I do not know. However, since then I feel the views of Lala Jamal changed.

They actually play in a small-time friend, but never met again since adolescence. Lala's family live far away in Surabaya, while we were in Jakarta. We rarely come together, even during Eid, so the memories held Jamal about Lala is the childhood memories of first love as a brother to his younger brother. Love where absolutely unthinkable to look at Lala as a lovable girl, even lawful marriage. However, the dream was able to juggle it all be ... love (?).

Let's say I'm too quick to conclude as love. Maybe it was just a rainbow that never bothered recesses of the heart my brother vanished. Rainbow is able to turn them into quasi-melancholy to make our family worried look he stared at a distance often pensive, and then sighed softly.

"Maybe you should see him in Surabaya," said Mother.

"I do not have to, Mom. Cook the flower bed just because I see him, "said Jamal.

"Maybe it was a sign."

"That Lala my soul mate?"

"It's not. That had long you do not visit them to stay in touch. Let me later Mbakmu and her husband, who accompany you there. "

Jamal was stunned for a moment and then nodded.

Wow, very clever mother persuaded. Yet unbeknownst to my brother who was quiet, she hand over our duty to "woo" Lala. My mother truly believed that dream as a sign that asked me to ask about the possibility of his willingness dipersunting Lala Jamal.

"Why not ask just in Paklik? Let their arranged marriage only, "I said at that time.

"Ah, your brother would not want to."

"But ..."

"Never mind. I know Jamal is not too adult. Lectures are not finished. But at least he has income from business sambilannya trade, right? "

"That's not what I mean. Would you believe Jamal want to Lala? Maybe just a dream only a romantic moment. "

Mother pensive. I'm sure she has not ensure this. Jamal that he knew only that behave strangely. That's it. The rest he expected his own. Looks like just the mother who is desperate to woo Lala.

"Kupercayakan all that to you."

Walah! Means my job many times over! In addition to ensuring readiness Lala, I had to make sure my sister's own feelings.

***

He was silent. I thought her reaction was when I asked about the possibility perjodohannya with Lala.

"You love him?" I changed the question. This time instead Jamal chuckled.

"Maybe ... I do not know. It was not fair. "

Of course, no fair! To me, love as a dream just nonsense. Anyway Jamal did not know what the face and personality Lala today. I did not know.

"Relax, Mal. Never mind. The important thing is we got there first, "said Bang Rohim, my husband.

***

Upon arrival in Surabaya, we were greeted warmly Lala family.

"Well, Iki Jamal tho? Oala, wis gedhe yo?! "Says Bulik.

Jamal just smiled. Especially when dijawil Bulik fat cheeks like a child when he first.

"Where Lala, Bulik?" I asked as children simply do not find it wayangnya.

"It's in the kitchen. Who makes wedhang. "

I immediately into the kitchen. I'm really curious about what Lala now. I saw a girl there. Subhanalah, beautiful! He kissed my hand. Hmm, well mannered. Worthy enough to Jamal. But, I must refrain. Rohim Bang said, it took a persuasive approach to perform this mission. I'm not sure I could so totally give up the scenario to him.

Not much was done besides Bang Rohim ask Lala to guide each of the three of us went to downtown. He told me not to talk about arranged marriage, marriage, proposal, or any term to Lala. He said, despite our close family, we do not have long met each other. Lala could have looked at us as "foreigners." Efforts are traveling together in order to familiarize back Jamal, Laura and me. Presumably this can memudahkanku when we actually express purpose of his visit later.

This night time when I allowed my husband reveals all to Lala. It should be so. But Jamal ahead of me. I never thought he was serious about his feelings. He uttered them. About dreams, about falling in love, even about the proposal.

"Maybe Dik Lala think this is ridiculous. Abang also feel that way. But, at least now Abang Abang feeling confident. So, would not apply if Lala's brother? "

Not human beings do not be surprised if Laura was shot like that. He looked troubled. Like me first. Unfortunately Lala did not respond the way I respond to the proposal Bang Rohim first.

"Sorry, Mas. I already consider you as a brother. It was difficult to change it. "

Ended. Up here we struggle in Surabaya. Jamal smiled understand, but I believe his heart was disappointed. Endless love that magical sweet. We return to Jakarta with rejection.

Since that day, Jamal was seen again melancholy. He re-occupied in its activities. My brother was really great. Although heartbroken, she did not want to dissolve in his feelings. In fact, lately I know he has not given up. At least it succeeded in familiarizing rejection back Jamal with Lala. They both often send SMS just say hello or tell each other. Jamal really view this as an opportunity to change the view of Lala against him.

Left increasingly switching to the time when Jamal expressed again his desire that. Darling rejected again. Once again up to three times.

My father and mother are concerned to see it. They can not do much. Their desire to match it both Jamal rejected.

"Terms of persons who became my future wife, a companion must be sincere. Of his own volition, not the other party! "So why always.

Whatever what he said. But this is already stepping on the fifth year Jamal maintain love not accomplished this. He was getting closer to the head three. Quite surprisingly, he still continues to maintain it. It feels unworthy of love kept kept. He must be muzzled. Lala is not the last girl who lives in the world. For that Mom, Dad and I love conspiracy to kill Jamal. It is time he considers the other girls. Incidentally there is a want. Pak Haji Abdullah has long wanted to bermenantukan Jamal and menyandingkannya with Azisa, her eldest son. We arrange marriage without the knowledge of Jamal. So, our family tried to "incite" to take into account the existence Azisa Jamal, his friend since high school.

Alhamdulillah successful. Heart Jamal began to open to Azisa so that when Pak Haji Abdullah asking him to be in-law, he had no choice but to say yes again.

***

Willingness Jamal had been obtained, but surprisingly, he also never set a wedding date. This time my instincts as an older brother to play. It was Jamal was facing a problem that can not be divided to anyone, including Azisa. Time for me to be a good sister for him.

"I do not know, Ma'am. I think I was ready to get married. "

My eyes widened when Jamal express the cause.

"Why?" I asked a little frightened. I dare not imagine if Jamal was suddenly canceled an arranged marriage. Our family could bear the shame!

"It's not a jodohku Azisa."

I'm getting gasped. I began to guess the direction the conversation.

"Lala Was?" I asked. Jamal nodded slowly, but surely.

"Actually, a dream the other day suddenly it did not come. I asked him to God. I ask Him to give clues about future jodohku. And that appears turns out Lala! "

I went back into silence. I really suck. It's as old as this, still can not be good for Jamal's brother. I'm confused how to respond.

"Ma'am I'm sorry if all this could be a good brother, Mal. Even for this problem one can not answer any Ma'am. Only, we'll never really know what we believe to be true as truth, Mal. Including your dreams. Mbak do not know what else to consider it nonsense or really a sign. Even if the dream was a sign, definitely a lot of meaning. "

"You interpret as love and soul mate, my mother and father interpret as friendship interpret as typical of an ideal wife for you. Is not Azisa did not vary much with Lala? Dream is relative, Mal. "

Jamal just sighed softly, looking at the distance. His face was sour. Perhaps not want me to be no support for them.

"Maybe," I continued, "It's only a matter of love alone. Maybe your heart is still living in the shadow of Lala and never once gave a chance to enter Azisa. You're living in real life, Mal. Until when will be a dreamer?! "

I was struck by what I said myself. I suspect not going to say this. It's nothing. Some time ago we heard someone Lala accept the proposal. Despite giving up, I'm sure Jamal still has love for Lala. He is definitely sick. I'm really not sensitive brother. I'm sorry. I hug Jamal, tears of regret.

Jamal also crying. She sobbed energized resentment, disappointment, loneliness, despair's decision, even lonely. I'm touched. How he suffered for this.

"Tomorrow we just cancel an arranged marriage with Azisa, Mal. That's better than you were not sincere through it later. That you say about marriage, right? We'll talk first with my father and mother. "

I thought this was the best. No wise man still insisted it was an arranged marriage at the time Jamal carry this fragile. At the time Jamal was wounded and undecided on his feelings. Let us bear the shame family together.

"No. We go ahead. I'm willing to live the rest of my life together Azisa. Maybe I just need a little cry alone. I went first to the house of Mr Haji to discuss this. Assalamu'alaikum. "

I looked at the departure of Jamal with indeterminate feeling. If you remember all this happened because of a dream. Yes, God is it true the dream of your signs? If now realized why so difficult? If it simply is not true what many people believe?

I thoughtfully. Forgive me my sister. I'm just a man, who was unable to translate all his mystery, even though it is written. I just tried. He remained a decisive. Forgive me.

Dapatkah seseorang mencinta hanya karena sepotong mimpi? Mustahil. Namun, adikku semata wayang mengalaminya – setidaknya itu yang diakuinya.

Gadis yang dicintainya adalah Lala, adik sepupunya sendiri. Wajar, bukan? Bahkan, menjadi halal saat kedua orang tuaku kemudian berpikir untuk meminangnya.

Semua berawal dari penuturan Jamal. Ia bilang, ia memimpikan Lala sebagai gadis yang diperkenalkan Ibu kepadanya sebagai calon istrinya.

“Kami sudah saling mengenal, Bu,” kata Jamal dalam mimpi itu dengan malu-malu. Gadis itu pun mengangguk dengan senyum malu-malu pula.

Sebenarnya Jamal tidak terlalu meyakini gadis itu adalah Lala. Wajahnya samar terlihat. Namun, Jamal merasakan aura gadis itu cukuplah ia kenal. Hebatnya, ini diperkuat oleh ayah kami. Di malam yang sama, beliau bermimpi tentang Jamal yang duduk di kursi pelaminan bersama Lala! Apakah ini pertanda? Entah. Hanya saja, sejak itu aku merasakan pandangan Jamal terhadap Lala berubah.

Mereka sebenarnya teman bermain di waktu kecil, namun tak pernah bertemu lagi sejak remaja. Keluarga Lala tinggal jauh di Surabaya, sementara kami di Jakarta. Kami jarang berkumpul, bahkan saat lebaran, sehingga kenangan yang dimiliki Jamal tentang Lala adalah kenangan di masa kecil dulu sebagai abang yang kasih kepada adiknya. Kasih dimana sama sekali tak terpikirkan untuk memandang Lala sebagai gadis yang pantas dicintai, bahkan halal dinikahi. Namun, mimpi itu mampu menyulap semuanya menjadi…cinta (?).

Mari katakan aku terlalu cepat menyimpulkan sebagai cinta. Barangkali saja itu hanya pelangi yang tak kunjung sirna mengusik relung hati adikku. Pelangi yang mampu merubahnya menjadi sok melankolis hingga membuat kami sekeluarga khawatir melihat ia kerap termenung menatap kejauhan, untuk kemudian mendesah perlahan.

“Mungkin kau harus menemuinya di Surabaya,” kata Ibu.

”Rasanya tak usah, Bu. Masak hanya karena bunga tidur aku menemuinya,” jawab Jamal.

”Barangkali saja itu pertanda.”

”Bahwa Lala jodoh saya?”

”Bukan. Bahwa sudah lama kau tak mengunjungi mereka untuk bersilaturahmi. Biar nanti Mbakmu dan suaminya yang menemanimu kesana.”

Jamal tertegun sejenak untuk kemudian mengangguk.

Wah, pintar sekali Ibu membujuk. Padahal tanpa sepengetahuan adikku yang pendiam itu, Ibu menyerahi kami tugas untuk ”meminang” Lala. Ibu betul-betul yakin mimpi itu sebagai pertanda sehingga memintaku menanyakan kepada Lala tentang kemungkinan kesediaannya dipersunting Jamal.

”Kenapa tidak minta langsung saja pada Paklik? Biar mereka dijodohkan saja,” kataku waktu itu.

”Ah, adikmu itu takkan mau.”

”Tapi…”

”Sudahlah. Ibu tahu Jamal belum terlalu dewasa. Kuliah saja belum selesai. Tapi setidaknya ia memiliki penghasilan dari usaha sambilannya berdagang, ‘kan?”

“Bukan itu maksudku. Apa Ibu yakin Jamal mau dengan Lala? Barangkali saja mimpinya hanya romantisme sesaat.”

Ibu tercenung. Aku yakin Ibu belum memastikan ini. Yang beliau tahu hanya Jamal yang bertingkah aneh. Itu saja. Selebihnya ia perkirakan sendiri. Sepertinya justru Ibulah yang ngebet ingin meminang Lala.

”Kupercayakan semua itu padamu.”

Walah! Berarti tugasku berlipat-lipat! Selain memastikan kesediaan Lala, aku pun harus memastikan perasaan adikku sendiri.

***

Ia diam. Sudah kuduga reaksinya begitu jika kutanyakan tentang kemungkinan perjodohannya dengan Lala.

“Kamu mencintainya?” Aku mengganti pertanyaan. Kali ini Jamal malah terkekeh.

”Mungkin… Entahlah. Rasanya tak wajar.”

Tentu saja tak wajar! Bagiku, mencinta karena sepotong mimpi hanya omong kosong. Lagi pula Jamal tak tahu seperti apa wajah dan kepribadian Lala dewasa ini. Aku pun tak tahu.

“Santai saja, Mal. Tak usah dipikirkan. Yang penting kita tiba dulu di sana,” kata Bang Rohim, suamiku.

***

Setiba di Surabaya, kami disambut keluarga Lala hangat.

”Wah, iki Jamal tho? Oala, wis gedhe yo?!” ucap Bulik.

Jamal hanya tersenyum. Apalagi saat pipi gendutnya dijawil Bulik seperti saat ia kanak-kanak dulu.

”Mana Lala, Bulik?” tanyaku saat tak mendapati anak semata wayangnya itu.

”Ada di dapur. Sedang bikin wedhang.”

Aku segera ke dapur. Aku sungguh penasaran seperti apa Lala sekarang. Kulihat seorang gadis di sana. Subhanalah, cantiknya! Ia mencium tanganku. Hmm, santun pula. Cukup pantas untuk Jamal. Tapi, aku harus menahan diri. Kata Bang Rohim, butuh pendekatan persuasif untuk menjalankan misi ini. Aku tak yakin aku bisa sehingga menyerahkan sepenuhnya skenario kepadanya.

Tak banyak yang dilakukan Bang Rohim selain meminta Lala menjadi guide setiap kami bertiga pergi ke pusat kota. Ia melarangku membicarakan soal perjodohan, pernikahan, pinangan atau apapun istilahnya kepada Lala. Katanya, kendati kami keluarga dekat, sudah lama kami tidak saling bersua. Bisa saja Lala memandang kami sebagai ”orang asing”. Upaya melancong bersama ini demi untuk mengakrabkan kembali Jamal, Lala dan aku. Kiranya ini dapat memudahkanku saat mengutarakan maksud kedatangan kami sesungguhnya nanti.

Malam ini saat dimana aku diperbolehkan suamiku mengungkapkan semuanya kepada Lala. Seharusnya memang begitu. Tapi Jamal mendahuluiku. Tak kusangka ia serius dengan perasaannya. Ia utarakan semuanya. Tentang mimpinya, tentang jatuh cinta, bahkan tentang pinangan.

“Mungkin Dik Lala menganggap ini konyol. Abang juga merasa begitu. Tapi, setidaknya sekarang Abang yakin dengan perasaan Abang. Jadi, mau tidak kalau Lala Abang lamar?”

Bukan manusia kalau Lala tidak kaget ditembak seperti itu. Ia tampak galau. Seperti aku dulu. Sayang Lala tak merespon seperti aku merespon pinangan Bang Rohim dulu.

“Maaf, Mas. Aku terlanjur menganggapmu sebagai kakak. Rasanya sulit untuk merubahnya.”

Berakhirlah. Sampai di sini saja perjuangan kami di Surabaya. Jamal tersenyum mengerti, namun kuyakini hatinya kecewa. Cintanya yang magis tak berakhir manis. Kami pulang ke Jakarta dengan penolakan.

Sejak hari itu, Jamal tak terlihat lagi melankolis. Ia kembali sibuk dalam aktivitasnya. Adikku itu benar-benar hebat. Kendati patah hati, ia tak mau larut dalam perasaannya. Bahkan, belakangan aku tahu ia belum menyerah. Setidaknya penolakan itu berhasil mengakrabkan kembali Jamal dengan Lala. Mereka berdua kerap berkirim SMS sekedar menanyakan kabar ataupun saling bercerita. Jamal betul-betul memandang ini sebagai peluang untuk mengubah pandangan Lala terhadapnya.

Waktu kian berganti hingga masa dimana Jamal mengutarakan lagi keinginannya itu. Sayang ditolak lagi. Begitu berulang hingga tiga kali.

Ayah dan Ibu prihatin melihatnya. Mereka tak bisa berbuat banyak. Keinginan mereka untuk menjodohkan saja keduanya Jamal tolak.

”Syarat orang yang menjadi calon istriku, haruslah tulus ikhlas menjadi pendampingku. Atas kemauannya sendiri, bukan pihak lain!” Begitu alasannya selalu.

Terserahlah apa katanya. Tapi ini sudah menginjak tahun kelima Jamal memelihara cinta tak kesampaian ini. Usianya kian mendekati kepala tiga. Cukup mengherankan ia tetap memeliharanya terus. Rasanya tak layak cinta itu dipelihara terus. Ia harus diberangus. Lala bukanlah gadis terakhir yang hidup di dunia. Untuk itu Ibu, Ayah dan aku kongkalikong untuk membunuh cinta Jamal. Sudah saatnya ia mempertimbangkan gadis-gadis lain. Kebetulan ada yang mau. Pak Haji Abdullah sejak lama ingin bermenantukan Jamal dan menyandingkannya dengan Azisa, anak sulungnya. Kami susun perjodohan tanpa sepengetahuan Jamal. Lantas, kami sekeluarga berusaha ”menghasut” Jamal untuk memperhitungkan keberadaan Azisa, temannya sejak SMU itu.

Alhamdulillah berhasil. Hati Jamal mulai terbuka untuk Azisa sehingga saat Pak Haji Abdullah meminta dirinya menjadi menantu, ia tak punya lagi pilihan selain mengiyakan.

***

Kesediaan Jamal memang sudah didapat, namun anehnya ia tak kunjung juga menentukan tanggal pernikahan. Kali ini naluriku sebagai kakak turut bermain. Rasanya Jamal tengah menghadapi masalah yang tak dapat dibaginya kepada siapapun, termasuk Azisa. Saatnya aku menjadi kakak yang baik untuknya.

”Entahlah, Mbak. Rasanya aku tak siap untuk menikah.”

Mataku terbelalak saat Jamal mengutarakan penyebabnya.

”Apa pasal?” tanyaku agak jeri. Aku tak berani membayangkan jika Jamal tiba-tiba membatalkan perjodohan. Keluarga kami bisa menanggung malu!

”Rasanya Azisa bukan jodohku.”

Aku semakin terkesiap. Aku mulai menduga-duga arah pembicaraannya.

”Lala-kah?” tanyaku. Jamal mengangguk pelan, namun pasti.

”Sebenarnya mimpi tempo hari itu tak sekonyong datang. Aku memintanya kepada Tuhan. Aku meminta Dia memberikan petunjuk tentang jodohku kelak. Dan yang muncul ternyata Lala!”

Aku kembali terdiam. Aku benar-benar payah. Sudah setua ini, masih saja tak dapat menjadi kakak yang baik buat Jamal. Aku bingung harus menanggapi bagaimana.

”Maafkan jika selama ini Mbak tak bisa menjadi kakak yang baik, Mal. Bahkan untuk masalahmu satu ini pun Mbak tak bisa menjawab. Hanya saja, kita tak akan pernah benar-benar tahu apa yang kita yakini benar itu sebagai kebenaran, Mal. Termasuk mimpimu. Mbak tidak tahu lagi harus menganggapnya omong kosong ataukah benar-benar pertanda. Kalaulah mimpi itu pertanda, pasti banyak sekali maknanya.”

”Kamu memaknainya sebagai cinta dan jodoh, Ibu memaknainya sebagai silaturahmi dan Ayah memaknainya sebagai tipikal istri ideal bagimu. Bukankah Azisa pun tak berbeda jauh dengan Lala? Mimpi itu nisbi, Mal.”

Jamal hanya mendesah pelan sambil memandang kejauhan. Mukanya masam. Mungkin tak menghendaki aku bersikap tak mendukungnya.

”Mungkin,” lanjutku, ”ini hanya masalah cinta saja. Mungkin hatimu masih hidup dalam bayangan Lala dan tak pernah sekali pun memberi kesempatan untuk dimasuki Azisa. Kau hidup di kehidupan nyata, Mal. Sampai kapan akan menjadi pemimpi?!”

Aku tersentak oleh ucapanku sendiri. Tak kuduga akan mengucapkan ini. Bukan apa-apa. Beberapa waktu lalu kami mendengar kabar Lala menerima pinangan seseorang. Kendati menyerah, aku yakin Jamal masih memiliki cinta untuk Lala. Ia pasti sakit. Aku betul-betul kakak yang tak peka. Aku menyesal. Aku peluk Jamal, menangis sesal.

Jamal turut menangis. Isaknya berenergi kekesalan, kekecewaan, kesepian, keputus-asa-an, bahkan kesepian. Aku terenyuh. Betapa ia menderita selama ini.

“Besok kita batalkan saja perjodohan dengan Azisa, Mal. Itu lebih baik ketimbang kau tak ikhlas menjalaninya nanti. Itu katamu tentang pernikahan, ‘kan? Kita bicarakan dulu dengan Ayah dan Ibu.”

Kupikir ini yang terbaik. Tak bijak rasanya tetap berkeras melangsungkan perjodohan di saat Jamal rapuh begini. Di saat Jamal terluka dan bimbang pada perasaannya. Biarlah keluarga kami menanggung malu bersama.

“Tidak. Kita teruskan saja. Aku ikhlas menjalani sisa hidupku bersama Azisa. Mungkin aku hanya membutuhkan sedikit menangis saja. Aku pergi dulu ke rumah Pak Haji untuk membicarakan ini. Assalamu’alaikum.”

Kutatap kepergian Jamal dengan perasaan tak tentu. Kalau diingat semua ini terjadi karena mimpi. Ya, Allah apakah benar mimpi itu pertanda-Mu? Jikalau benar kenapa sulit sekali terrealisasi? Jika pun tidak benar kenapa banyak orang mempercayai?

Aku terpekur. Maafkan aku adikku. Aku hanyalah insan, yang tak mampu menerjemahkan segala misteri-Nya, bahkan yang tersurat sekalipun. Aku hanya berusaha. Dia tetap yang menentukan. Maafkan aku.

Moreover, I have to prove
Moreover, I have to show
Obviously I love you
Exceed what you want

Maybe I was not perfect
And no one ever escaped from
But my heart is an ocean area
Morning bright as you

In my life love only once
love you deep in my soul
Forgive perhaps not as good as
Not as you expect
But I have a perfect love

Moreover, I have to prove
Moreover, I have to show
Obviously I love you
lyricsalls.blogspot.com
Exceed what you want

Maybe I was not perfect
And no one ever escaped from
But my heart is an ocean area
Morning bright as you

In my life love only once
Mencintamu deep in my soul
Forgive perhaps not as good as
Not as you expect
But I have a perfect love

Perfect love

In my life love only once
love you deep in my soul
Forgive perhaps not as good as
Not as you expect
But I have a perfect love
Perfect perfect perfect ...
But I have a perfect love